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Jason Unruhe
'''Jason Unruhe '''is a Canadian political commentator, analyst, and spy. In 2017 he received a boy named Tiny Kim in the mail, who he has been raising as his own ever since. Jason has been working for the North Korean government after they noticed his stellar work in introducing viewers to Marxist thought. Since then, Kim and him have been getting into all sorts of hijinks, antics, and even occasional shenanigans. Biography From the moment he was born Jason was a daredevil. His parents were immediately faced with the issue of baby-proofing his sick hairdo, which he avoided by springing up to high places and implanting himself in the ceiling until they got bored and left. In Canada, Canada, born and raised, at Canada university was where he spent most of his days, just chilling out, maxing, relaxing all sweet and plotting out the downfall of the bourgeoisie. He was roommates with a young student named Chad Bacon, who was majoring in Art Theory after an unsuccessful venture into Game Theory. Jason struggled with his classes, and his lectures on the economics of Morrowind saw little turnout, at least until Chad donated his new camera. Upon receiving the gift, Jason uploaded his analyses to Youtube, where he saw instant internationale fame. This came at the price of seeing his former friend give up his potential career in art and photography in favour of joining the Canadian police force. A Very Maoist Christmas In November of 2017 Jason moved to the country he hated most, the United States of America. Here he would become a spy, and try and take down the government from within. After supposedly killing his exhibitionist housemate Bernard, he received many gifts from North Korea, who had taken notice of this new plan. He was instructed to host a party that would gain traction for the cause. On the third day of Christmas, North Korea gave to him Tiny Kim, a member of the family to look after. Jason was initially resilient, as he did not ask for the boy. Tensions rose between the two after Jason sabotaged Kim's date with a girl from school, until Kim ran away. On the ninth he returned just in time for the party, which went well enough. As a reward for this North Korea gave the two a gargantuan cabin in the rich part of town, and everything seemed to be going well. On the twelfth Jason was greeted by the ghost of Mortimer Goth, who warned him of three ghosts to come. The Ghost of Communist Past reminded him of his time with Chad, Communist Present half-warned him of a terrible fate that would affect Kim, and Communism Yet to Come flat out showed him the graves of everyone he ever loved. On the sixteenth Jason and Kim tried to burn down their old house for insurance purposes. They found no luck in doing so, and left the gas running, but they did find some technical equipment that had been set up in there. Someone was spying on them! But who? (It was the FBI) Jason opened up the mansion to a bunch of hot women in an attempt to become more generous, but despite all his good-will he awoke on the twentieth to find Kim was gone. Turns out the FBI stole him in an attempt to lure Jason into their lair. It worked. In the lair Jason killed Nancy Landgraab and Bella Goth for shits and giggles and confronted Mr. FBI about his missing son. It turns out the FBI knew nothing of his spy-work and were simply trying to make him more jolly. Jason was presented with the option of getting Kim back, or giving his expensive mansion that everyone wants away (to Mr. FBI, of course.) Jason chose the former, and lived happily ever after. The next day he lit a cigar in his old house and it exploded. If he returns in 2018, he's been house-hunting ever since. If he doesn't, he's fucking dead. | |[[Category:Characters]]||}}